So, this is me. Engaged at 18, married at 20, divorced at 25, and engaged again (to someone else) at 26.
I feel that divorce in your 20's is often brought up, but rarely discussed. It is usually brushed aside with quick summary that goes something like "oh, you were just too young" or "well, at least you aren't old with kids." I understand why these comments are made, but I see no need to disregard someones choices or feelings because they are "young."
I honestly do not regret marrying young. I was ready. Even though I was 20, I knew what love was. Sure, maybe I wasn't as mature as I am now at 26...or maybe I didn't see flaws in my spouse that I would have now...but that is a lot of maybe's. You have to trust yourself and your feelings, otherwise won't we all go through life being afraid of any type of belief or commitment?
Anyways, I married the love of my life...or I guess the love of my early 20's. I was head over heals for my ex-husband. He made me laugh all of the time. He was sensitive. I wanted to spend every minute with him. We loved the same things and we wanted the same things. How could I regret that? I really did love him. When women get divorced, often times they feel as if they were robbed of time, and I felt this way too, but I wouldn't want to take back that time either. There were very special moments, moments that I wont ever forget about my first marriage.
The impression I get from people that haven't been through divorce, is that they either think I am better off, and that's all I need to tell myself to get over this huge trama, or they think that in someway I wanted a divorce. I grew up in a conservative Christian family, and this is the way divorce was viewed. I received well meaning, but appalling letters from people in my parents church telling me to save my marriage. As if I didn't want to save my marriage?!?! As if I wanted my life to fall apart, and I wanted to be in pain? I know that this is not what they intended me to feel, they were trying to help...but long story short (which I am sure I will get into later) my husband had an affair and chose to leave me. We had aready tried to make it work. I had to let him go to save any piece of self dignity I still had and move on with my life. But, that is people's view on divorce. You couldn't work it out, so you must have wanted it right? Well, maybe in some cases, but not in mine.
It has been 2 1/2 years since we separated, and I am just now able to talk about it without turning into a ball of emotion. I am engaged to another man, who I love, but this doesn't mean that the aftermath of divorce doesn't still haunt me. It is still there. It feels like a deep wound that will never heal. I still have nights where I cry myself to sleep. I still have nights where I miss him. I probably always will. He was my first love after all.
But, this leaves me with the need to connect with others, and have a conversation about it. Divorce at any age is a terrible and painful experience, even in your 20's.
